I’m Such An Idiot!
What’s the worst name you have ever called yourself? Do you berate yourself? Swear at yourself? Do you have anger management issues towards yourself? Are you self-critical?
That Is Me! Now What?
Self-Compassion! Researcher Dr. Kristen Neff has studied this powerful tool and published the books Self-Compassion in 2015 and Fierce Compassion in 2021.
What Is Self- Compassion?
Self-Compassion is no different than the compassion one feels towards someone or something else. The difference is that we can learn to extend that compassion to ourselves as well. Neff’s research finds that learning to approach ourselves with self-compassion is not giving ourselves an excuse. Instead, it acknowledges the truth that we are human and all in the same boat as far as growth. Learning to have a warm, friend-like response to our internal experience is more motivating than criticising or shaming, which causes us to draw back. It teaches us how to accept our innate worth and understand that comparison and perfection are unhelpful when it comes to human wellbeing and thriving.
What Are The Components Of Self-Compassion?
The three components of self-compassion are first, curious observation or mindfulness. This means learning to observe and describe our internal experience without judgement. An example of this might be to say, “I notice that I am feeling very angry right now,” without any qualifiers.
The second component is to recognize our common humanity. This means that we acknowledge that struggle, suffering, and inadequacy are, to different degrees, a normal part of the human experience and draw towards this reality and away from isolating ourselves.
Lastly, we tap into the instinct or impulse to feel concern for others and learn to direct that kindness inwards towards ourselves. This is a powerful strategy in bringing us out of fight, flight, freeze mode and into a place to act effectively and wisely. We might say something to ourselves like “I did the best that I could.”
Can Self Compassion Be Good For Others Too?
Yes! Self-Compassion can motivate action that stands up to harm and injustice, benefiting others within society. Neff’s most recent book, Fierce Self-Compassion (2021), shows how women can impact the wellbeing of others and lessen the suffering around them.
Does Self Compassion Help for Anxiety And Depression?
Yes! Research compiled from around the world has found a relationship between higher levels of self-compassion and lower levels of depression, anxiety and stress. Helpful benefits seem to involve lowering rumination which is the repetitive thinking about distressing emotions/situations, what caused them and their outcomes. It also helps by decreasing avoidance to new ways of thinking and new ways of behaving that will increase our overall well being and mental health. Sign me up!